If Only
by Millennium Slinky
Summary: Menardi's thoughts and ramblings as she falls into the pit of Venus Lighthouse, wondering if everyone else is right when they say she is well and truly dead...


Millennium Slinky presents...

**If Only... **(AKA Incoherent Ramblings of One Who Believes Herself to be Dead)

Disclaimer: I do not own _Golden Sun_, _Golden Sun: The Lost Age_, or any of the characters contained therein.

Muah!!  My first Golden Sun ficcy!!  *dances*  **SPOILERS** for the end of Golden Sun and some stuff about Prox you don't find out until you get there.  You have been warned.

Takes place right after the defeat of the Fusion Dragon.  Menardi's POV.  *shrugs*  Everyone _assumes_ they're dead after that, but it's not like we actually have real, solid proof.  ...Maybe a little OOC because of the circumstances.  Beware of confusing and weird thoughts.  *cringes*  Yes, I know, this probably sucks, but Griff deemed it worthy of posting, and I'm dying to get everyone else's opinions on how it is.  (Most of you will probably hate it and say it's good just to humor me...)

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I'm falling.

I should hear the sound of air rushing by me, roaring in my ears from the force of gravity pulling me down, down, down...

What happens when I reach the bottom?

I shouldn't be thinking of such frivolous things.  We're going to die, Saturos and I.  I know that much.

Perhaps any second I'm going to hit whatever is left of the lighthouse's foundations.  I can imagine that meeting clearly, the sickening smack as flesh meets stone.

Shut up, brain.  I won't think such thoughts.  I'm one of Prox's strongest Adepts, sent on a mission to save our people.

A mission that I failed.

Why?

I suppose I can spare a few seconds to think.

It shouldn't be ending this way.

Those brats...

I shouldn't be describing them with such a term, but they never would've believed it if we even _tried_ to explain the truth.  This is all their fault.  Theirs.  If only they could see through their little fantasy that they were heroes, fighting evildoers to save their collective little 'world'.  They haven't seen much of it.

A pity, really, after all.  They're the ones destroying it.

They only think of fighting nobly to keep the lighthouses from being lit...not fighting nobly to bring about the salvation of Weyward as a whole.

Look at the whole picture, children.  There's more to this than you ever thought.  Committing the consequentially _small_ crime of theft doesn't mean we're evil.  All for the good of the cause.

Even though some would say that two wrongs don't make a right...

Well, whoever first said that will never get anything done.  Some uppitty, egotistical idiot who doesn't know right from wrong, that's who.  I'd Pyroclasm anyone into ashes if they stood in the way of saving Prox.

It's ironic that we should die thus – sacrificing our lives for our cause, as the more poetic among us would say.

But that's a thing for little heroes, like those children and their friends.

...yet in a way, we _are_ – for Prox.  For the frozen wastelands of the north.  For our people.

If only those younglings knew...

They're condemning the world.

If only they knew...

It's not like they'll get away clean.  I can have at least _that_ much satisfaction.  They still have Felix to contend with...

He'll finish what he started.  Just another poor child.  But at least _he_ knows.  _He_ was sympathetic to our cause.  He betrayed his hometown to bring about the better good.

Karst will weep when she learns we will never come home.  I can only hope her insatiable thirst for vengeance can be calmed.  She's a reasonable girl.  We can count on her as well – the loss of his two best warriors will not convince Puelle that he should give up.  There will always be more.

What else do we have to lose, anyway?  Only our lives – which were never worth much in any case.  Better to lose them fighting for our only hope until the end than wait quietly in our snow-entrenched village to fall off the edge of the world...

Am I dead yet?

I confess I'm getting rather impatient.  I _could_ have been dead for a while now...maybe my mind is simply floating in oblivion.

I still can't hear anything.  Can't see anything.  Can't feel anything, when by now I should be sprawled broken and bleeding on the hard stone floor of Venus Lighthouse.

We never considered this end before – falling _into_ the pit of the lighthouse.  We never figured out what was down there.  Or here, I should say.  Maybe this is it.  A bottomless hole that goes through the surface of the world and comes out the bottom – wherever _that_ is.

I must've hit my head on something.  Yes.  The Menardi of an hour ago never rambled on such strange topics, nor contemplated her death, nor...

I guess I'm dead, then.

Well, if I _am_ dead, and I can still think, why not use that ability?

I probably won't exist for much longer, though.  Simply disappear into this black oblivion.

I wonder if Saturos is also going through this.  Maybe he's dead and _just_ that, not hanging around yammering to himself like I am.  Maybe he managed to hold onto something and found a way out of the lighthouse, and is at this very instant dragging himself back to Prox.

Stupid.  I would hit myself if I could figure out what happened to my hands.  Saturos is gone, just as I will be.

What if Isaac and his crew had seen the light?

The lighthouses would _all_ be lit by now, not just two.  I wouldn't be here right now, wondering what happened to my common sense.  Back in Prox there'd be a celebration.  There would be nothing to worry about.

Sort of boring, come to think of it.

Stop it stop it stop it!  I want safety for Prox.  The only way to attain that had been with force, by stealing the Elemental Stars and fighting our way to the Mercury and Venus lighthouses.  There'd still be wild beasts to protect the town from.  There will always be places for warriors in this ever-changing world.  I don't need to fight my entire life.

Not that I'm going to be living much longer, anyway.

I don't think I can be inside Venus Lighthouse anymore.  It's been too long.

I was definitely dead a while ago.

What's that light above me?

Must be wherever heroes go when they die.

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~ : : The End : : ~

Review, s'il vous plait?  *puppy dog eyes*  Tell me what you think!  _Helpful_ criticism is welcome, flames will be used to roast marshmallows!


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